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Now that I’m working for a London agency I’ve been practising my rhyming slang in order to localise my talents.

It’s taking a while as cockneys tend to talk at breakneck speed and generally lay on a thick rather loud accent however, I thought I’d share my newly developed wisdom with you in the event that you may one day need to switch to being a dab hand cockney next time you’re coordinating a meeting with a suvner…

So…

Lesson 1

‘Can we have a team meeting to talk through the presentation ahead of tomorrow please?’

Translates into:

‘Awright geeezzaa! gok wan we ‘ave a team meetin’ ter charlie chalk fruff da presentashun ahead ov tomorrow please? Sorted mate’

Lesson 2

‘Please would you order a suitably posh lunch for an important client to arrive for noon in the boardroom tomorrow? Thank you.’

This took a while to understand but what I should really be asking is:

‘Blimey! ‘Bell Cheese (I spluttered slightly at this point) would you order a suitably posh brady bunch fer an impawtan’ clien’ ter arrive fer noon in da boardroom tomorrow? Thank you.’. Nuff said, yeah?’

And lastly, but I find most importantly when you’re new to a team…

Lesson 3

‘Would anybody like a cup of tea and a scone?’

This one I definitely need to get right:

‘Blimey! Would anybody like a cup ov bertie mee an’ a scone? Nuff said, yeah?’

I’m sure there’ll be more to follow, for now I’m going practise my accent and then I’m michael owen ferbrady bunch wiv a couple ov da diamonds and pearls, innit.

Laters!